Content warning: This poem contains language that describes disordered eating.

Welcome to Bridget’s Brittle Bones

Where the art of seeing food is more than enough to turn you obese

For this morning’s drink, we have a glass of water with the rim decorated from leftover dry skin coming from your lips

You can keep on drinking, but just so you know, no matter how much water you drink, your lips will stay cracked

As you can see on our menu, we have no appetizers

Instead, we have a very exclusive mirror to look at yourself and keep you from eating

We will give you a magnifying glass to see how close your buttons are to popping out from your pants.

If they aren’t, then just fasten your belt tighter and then you’ll see it

Welcome to Hazey’s Hellish Health

Where ice cubes are the most popular and only snack here.

This afternoon we have an H20 Hydration bar to choose your favorite type of water: Dasani, Aquafina, or Deer Park.

And if you want a little spice, we also have Perrier, San Pellegrino, and La Croix.

The lunch today is an apple

But only eat half!

The less of the apple the better. 

This should be more than enough to keep 

you energized for the rest of your day, but if it’s not, then take a mini granola bar

with you and eat a quarter way through. 

Welcome to Derrick’s Declining Diet

Where at this point you shouldn’t be eating anything at all, yet you are still here

For tonight’s happy hour, we have a 50% off deal for all of our Aqua Reservoir, Cocktails garnished with all the words you have said to yourself while passing a mirror

Including: Unattractive, Unloved

And the most popular of them all:

Fat

For tonight’s dinner, we have the leftovers 

from lunch

And if you ate them all then, sorry, we don’t have anything else, you fatass.

Tomorrow, Tommy’s Triggering Tummie will be closed

You had way more than enough to eat today, so come back next time if you still want to be heavy.

Or if you’re even still alive.

We have special catering personalized for your funeral if you die.